Idle Afternoon: Schizophrenia

Brief Update 12/14/2012 10 AM US MST

Looking back on this post—restored, yet remains intact (a couple image files unrecoverable) aslo unedited as with all restored posts from the Porcelain Utopia restoration project, from when the site went down for three months from mid-year 2012. Just a note from today—December 14, 2012—while this particular post is currently trending on the day's top ten list, I understand that technology is an industry, a business—however, though competition and profit-making requires a great deal of compromise—it seems to be moving too fast, in my opinion. The restoration on this website is now becoming affected, in both positive and negative ways. Nonetheless, with quite hefty load of user-friendly and not-for-profit technology to keep you, the user, and myself and this website as safe and secure as possible, and while updating automatically and distribution on certain social networks, it all comes down to my posting what I can—material that is meaningful to me in some way, and then you, readers—and the audiences for all my various creative endeavors are the largest part of it all. Porcelain Utopia is where I really began to learn about such current elements of blogging, from as SEO to code—technology. It's not over, and as I do continue to struggle with my own mental health condition, I've most certainly slowed things down quite a bit, with patience and mindfulness. If you land on a page with broken image files or certain media files, even audio, I suggest you please move on to another post, page or website, and just enjoy. Take some, leave some—whatever you'd like.

I was able to recover a few hundred posts at this point. A couple hundred had to be deleted, unfortunately. I began with one item as my mission (as I do with any work) to reach one person—no matter whom. In three months, this site landed over 25 million hits. It was written up in the press, and I was beyond overjoyed. It looks like we might not reach that many as it had been, but when I have a few minutes, not in bed, or simply not too symptomatic, I'll get on, update and fix a couple items. I do hope you're enjoying your lives and relationships as much as you are able. Things can become challenging, but hey, it's about doing our best, isn't it? —Jonathan

Restored Post from May 9, <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about 2012 here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/2012">2012

Idle Afternoon

Nothing all that world-shaking to say, which I guess is a good thing, in a way. Just taking time to write out some things on this lazy-feeling afternoon. I do have projects and activities I’m working on—again, nothing all that profound. The last post there from Osho hit the mark for me. I’m pretty much on my own for the day, and don’t get me wrong, that is what I want. My wife is out for the day, but I’ll be seeing her a little later. Just running around stuff, you know… I’m here in the great li’l Hot Club and yes, staying mindful, as God Only Knows by the Beach Boys and now She’s Always a Woman by Billy Joel play on the loud speakers—I mean how relaxing is that!

I have not been wanting to record another podcast today, nor work on any movie project, though I still have hours of footage to work from. I was able to get a lot of one of my long-and-tedious novels in better shape: edits, cutting, more cutting and combining. Saved it. Printed. That was my morning. Doing it on my own, and it’s a good thing. Emptied the trash—just normal day-to-day things. Taking it easy and easy does it.

The ease can be almost difficult to take, just like when I might be meditating—oh I did that, too, earlier and I will again today. I’m doing very well with that, and my whole quest for self-actualization and peace of mind—again, but the moments feel "difficult" at times because I’m not used to it, to them... to this. Just good music, well-behaved kittens, my own space, nothing like the “addictive” behavior on Twitter, and all the hectic organization and updating I would otherwise want to do on the Internet. Really, just taking it easy.

Its proper use is to amuse the idle, and relax the studious, and dilute the full meals of those who cannot use exercise, and will not use abstinence.

-<a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about Samuel Johnson here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/samuel-johnson">Samuel Johnson

I have decided to write this out because something intangible usually becomes accessible when I write in my  zone of solitude—this great and wondrous solitude. So far what I’ve learned because I wrote what I have so far: this is something, more prolonged than an hour mediation. I haven’t had this in years, and thus I’m finding it “difficult,” but that’s not the right word. Just that I’m not used to this, but I am learning to get used to it.

Osho would probably nod his head to my day. I like Osho.

It’s strange, I thought the first thing I would write on this post would be about this one project I’ve been working on for the last couple hours—scanning thousands of pages—and thousands to come—of cabinets filled with old novels, screenplays and notes, notes, and more notes, in my stacks of already-organized file cabinets, in order to have a PDF of each file—messy or not—so that I may eventually be able to get rid of at least three or four file cabinets here in the Club, and more books but smaller-in-size and self-published (just for me, privately) as I’m simplifying and de-cluttering—making space.

I’m learning that I am making space in my mind—it feels like a Zen 'habit.' Is that a term? ...When the scanner jams or a page is missed, I might decide or not to re-scan some stack of notes, I take an easy-going break, and maybe have a cigarette, though, I haven’t been smoking much today—that, too, is good: plain and simple. I’m relaxed. Feeling like I don’t have energy, to set up for a podcast or work on bigger projects, but then I think of how in the moment I am, with energy, in fact, and nothing is bothering me.

After all, I have been doing what I love most: productivity, and better, being alone—more like, having my own space. I am making a great deal of progress on my files to hard-cover books (double-sided—again, in order to save space) and well, I’ve posted some blogs today. I have let go of checking all of my websites and stats and hits, yet earlier I was looking through some of my other pages, even syndications of Porcelain Utopia—my favorite is this Zimbio thing which I still haven’t the faintest clue of what it is, exactly, or how I first came across it. My music, some writing sites, and random profiles, The Real Me podcast syndication sites—I hope that’s the right word: syndication... It seems that whenever I post anything, even a Tweet, so many other sites pick it up.

My oh my, I searched my name (which I have been working on changing—what I mean is certain profiles and even my band name, Schizophrenic and Caregiver no longer has the “featuring Jonathan Harnisch” part. It’s not as important to me now that at first I’d put my name everywhere, while these days as I’m learning more about SEO (search engine optimization) and so I try to list my name when I want it to come up closer to the top of a Google search, for example. Many sites I own or am listed on have hundreds of thousands of hits, likes, etc., and that sort of thing just blows me away. The Internet is one powerful mechanism. At least I got my name out there, at the start of my “coming out of the schizophrenic closet,” as I wanted, because I have so many of you “on my side,” writing, being influenced by the things I do, creatively.

I always wanted just one person—a stranger, to feel something—even if it's disdain, from my work. And that has been accomplished a million times over.

So, as I continue to relax and just be. Being with self, with this Zen moment… Boy I yearn and long for these days. Days like today, when nothing is disturbed. A sense of peace.

I do. I be. I am.

I stay here as long as the universe allows.

May we all remain centered and calm, letting all other cares go, all other thoughts… just be.

I’m happy today. That’s all that matters.

The Now. The moment… Until any symptoms of schizophrenia might want to resurface. Not worried about it. The new days are like an adventure. Today I’m on the pond, still, and OK.

I’ll look back at this when I might feel the need to, here, as I stamp the moments passing today as, “Jonathan, you’re doing great.” And that’s it.

I hope you all can meet me here, when you can.

From my heart…

Jonathan Harnisch