Be Yourself So The Right People Will Love The Real You

Don't change so people will like you. Be yourself so the right people will love the real you.

Jonathan Harnisch

Schizophrenic Break with Reality

Porcelain Utopia Blog & Website

Dear Readers,

I am having a schizophrenic break with reality.

I hope to return soon.

Thank you for understanding.

-Jonathan Harnisch, Porcelain Utopia

via mobile

 

Doing it Right: The Luxury Of Negativity

Restored Post from April 1, 2011—

I sent a text message and e-mail to one of my caregivers in order to make up with him. There seems to have been a misunderstanding. My mind is shattering some normal events into pieces of confusion and fear. I am realizing that the jobs here on the property are going involve some breaking of the rules. I am a more lenient boss than any boss might be in a normal job setting.  I think I did well to explain the core of what was bothering me and so to come to terms with it in the healthiest way possible.

I think I am thinking clearly today.

I am making my day great! I hope this new medicine regimen will work soon -- could take up to 2 weeks even though it's the same tablets, just different dose.

I was upset last night, but someone I love asked me – using an idea I seemed to have come up with in the last audio blog -- to get to the "core" of what exactly was bothering me with two of my caregivers, though without using the word "core." So, instead of ignoring the message concerning this, I decided to use the strategies I mentioned on The Real Me to actually act on, myself, so that I would walk my own talk. I find this fascinating. That I am possibly helping others, but in doing so, I am helping myself with the same strategies I talk about within the blogs.

Bottom line is that (and I give you lots of credit for this, too... because you seem to accept me wherever I am... wherever you are!) I have a good project set up for at least this morning. What I learn from it, I can use in the future projects similar in nature. I’m expecting the best but preparing for the worst (computer crash, etc.) just in case. And although those here on the compound today seem to be dealing with their own “off-day” kinds of struggles, I am, like I said in my last blog, Making My Day… Mine. I’m releasing the "luxury of negativity" which can often be so seductive and almost addictive.

I was thinking of possibly blogging about this idea I had (a feeling I get…) a written-out theory, which I'll have to look up… It’s an Oliver Sacks quote from one of his short stories about a Touretter, where he mentions saying and possibly writing shocking things like I had written to one of the caregivers last night, and sometimes to others, as well. But that I perhaps behave this way when I feel trapped and unsafe, for example, in order achieve a certain sensation of "shock" out of the person to whom I’m directing negativity, though I’d have to look it up (and am quite busy at the moment) but nonetheless, I could just add my own reaction to the Sacks theory: as I remember, it seemed to have been on a more subconscious level, even with tics and coprolalia. I would add, that my take on that kind of "symptom" is also similar to when I write about (in my novel, Porcelain Utopia) that I “want cancer, AIDS, etc., so that [I] can overcome them." Same kind of thing because when I wake up in the morning and remember that I have to "make amends" and undo what I did the evening prior, it gives me something to "overcome--" in a pretty deep, almost philosophical way.

Peace and Love to All People.

P.S. Below is what I consider good and healthy communication. Having been “wrong,” and whether or not I could “help” it or not, I think this dialog below has some interesting insight. We all make mistakes, and I find it important to make amends, when needed, sooner than later. Then the rest of the day can unfold positively…

Caregiver,

I hope we can make up. It frustrates me when you come and go as you please. Let me know if we can work it out. I woke up in a better place than yesterday. Had a crap day yesterday. And a certain kind of amnesia from whatever “bad stuff” might have happened. This is a common feature of my illness – a sort of “blacking out.”

Love,

Jonathan

Jonathan,

* * *

I am sorry to hear that, but I’m happy that you tell me what you feel.

Since I am coming in today at 10:30 AM I took off a little earlier yesterday in correspondence with staff, since you were sleeping and had someone else there already with you. I will see to that my schedule gets more consistent than earlier so we avoid any frustrations. Thanks for the input.

Sincerely,

Caregiver

Caregiver,

Thank you for this. I am sorry I over-reacted. I basically felt cornered by you and possibly others on my team with what I took as “secret stuff.” Upon waking, I realize even the term “secret stuff” is likely due from paranoia, and possibly due to the recent change in medications. When my routine (your schedules included) is tweaked/changed, it tends to get to me. It wasn’t my intention to be mean to you last night. I felt stuck, and saw no other way out of that feeling. I will bring this up with my psychologist today. I would like to be able to handle some of these issues better than I am currently. I simply felt trapped. The morning seemed to have restored me. Thank you for understanding. I didn't know that I wasn't told about the schedule change because I was asleep. So thank you for the clarification. Sometimes I fear that I am perhaps too lenient and easy-going... I just have to get used to that, and that this kind of job you guys have is unique and not like, for example, when I was running my own company. It will often mess me up when I fear that people are taking advantage of me... So thank you for your e-mail this morning.

It means a lot to me.

I think I am a pretty loving and giving guy inside. Sometimes "fear" (in general) might not allow that part of me to show. And I am sorry about that. I continue to try my best, and work with the doctors and keep with my meditations, and everything else.

I'm actually glad you got to "see" that part of me just in case it was to re-occur.

Jonathan Harnisch

To Resist Change

Restored Post from October 15, 2011

Dear Readers,

First of all, my two little kittens, my babies, turned two today. Happy Birthday little ones! I’ve never had a pet live that long before, so alas, I’m not cursed! -LOL!

…The weekend is turning out better than expected, though usually Saturdays are pretty OK. By looking at recent patterns, I know what to expect as the likely scenario, hour by hour, until Monday morning, and I know what to expect and what tools to use given the worst case scenario--dealing and coping with schizophrenia but having taken note, again, of patters. Precise patterns: the time of day, temperature, everything, and how it all affects me.

I have a day trip to a ghost town planned for tomorrow, Sunday. Then Monday begins the new week with business as usual, for the most part.

I wait as my work is being saved--work I've done, having become a "dancer" of sorts on editing software for both film and video--even photography. I've cut a first draft of a feature-length film—edited it down from eight hours to two, and I listen to OMD, Thomson Twins, The Police, and, of course Duran Duran, as I write this--when my work is saved on DVD, I'll check over what I did and be OK with it--with it not being the final product... yet.

I worked more on a couple of my newer novels, posted my normal motivational material on Facebook, Twitter and MySpace, gained new fan appreciation and app downloads for my music, Schizophrenic & Caregiver on http://www.reverbnation.com/jwharnisch and posted a new video, "Balloon Meditation," on http://www.youtube.com/user/PorcelainUtopia --it was fun. I had to re-post the video at first, after an onslaught of viewers had seen and even commented on a version that I had altered--putting perhaps too much effort into something simple. My angels and spirit guides--OK, my inner-self--let me know, over and over again, "Be 'fair' with your art, Jonathan," and as for the film--I have the best material now, not later. Let the project be guided by 'spirit' and do it's job. I think if you believe in angels, ghosts, and even in your own imagination, then they become real--they are real--to the believer. Just like thoughts.

My email has been getting hacked almost every day lately, but I let it go. I have things, mainly information, since I save everything, and I file and record every passing minute and nuance in life--and people want that--everyone has things that other people want, but nobody has control. And nobody needs it--nobody needs the illusion of it either. Anyway, I let it all go. No negativity—all negativity I surrender to The Creator, if you will. All is good. Right now. All is at peace in this schizophrenic mind, in this very moment.

I've been researching more and more books on schizophrenia, material from all sorts of perspectives. I continue to learn a lot. More like validation of my experiences. I really crave confirmation and validation of my experiences, both positive and negative.

While thoroughly enjoying the new iOS and iCloud that Apple finally put out, I'm good for now. In the meantime, since I'm giving up a lot of domain names and canceling certain patent applications, for example--de-cluttering and simplifying my life and surroundings as much as I can, because neatness and clarity helps me feel better and less symptomatic—I've been messing around with a little side project: Got Tics? https://sites.google.com/site/gottics/ for Touretters like me.

I'm getting help labeling and organizing all—I mean all—CDs, DVDs, files, books—everything I own—"OCD-style"—as I call it. We're painting and decorating the home and offices, and—yes, still dealing with the sociopaths in life—they seems to be everywhere one turns. "Emotional Vampires" is the term I prefer to use. But I am who I am and, while I posted on Twitter the other day, "Change?—Why Resist?" I'm OK with who I am, right now. And right now that's all that I know and all that I have.

Be well, and be in touch soon. Hope to podcast on The Real Me again in the near future. The episode I recorded last time: “Hallucinations,” had massive re-posts, review and downloads, so I've been letting that one linger a little. Good thing recording that episode--it helped me, though I still hallucinate, pretty much on a daily basis. But that's, as they say, "Just the schizophrenia," though a good amount of it is, to me, most definitely a spiritual--"psychic"--integration of my day to day experiences. It's the "staying grounded" and "in the body" part that I often still struggle with.

Well, looks like there are only a few minutes left for the transfer of my new film. Gonna get back on it and take it easy, relax, and "allow myself to be led." That's a lyric in one of my songs, "Reach Inside" on the “Inside – Single” album on S&C's Reverb Nation page—iTunes, as well.

Until next time, bye for now...

Jonathan Harnisch

Schizophrenia: I Have Been Imagining Most of My Life

I just want to, need to, imagine or not, if any of this is real…

I just returned from my doctor’s appointment—the M.D. [Medical Doctor/Psychiatrist], Dr. F. What a relief coming home—traumatic event there with Dr. F. I now sit here at my desk and think about how  “screwed up” I must be, with all the schizophrenic symptoms that I’m aware I have—but holy cow! Dr. F. has been seeing me close to 3 years, through thick and thin, and only now the truth was given to me: apparently, I’ve been “imagining” most of my life! I mean, talk about wanting to blog, podcast, call everybody I know and tell them this apparent fact. Talk about life is a living dream, and, that likely, I am imagining this and exactly what I’m writing. E-mails I’ve been sending to her regarding my symptoms and medical needs were never sent, yet my schizophrenic mind seems to “adjust” reality, because I have copies of them, and I offered those involved in the meeting with Dr. F. to search my records—they have the login info—but to me, they come up, to those trying to help me, they do not exist. Imagine that! I think I could talk forever about this—specific details of exactly what I have been imagining—or just allow you all to imagine the impact this has on me. I’m sure there’s been a bit of what they call “gas lighting” going on—my doctor has been in contact with my family, and she even has written approval by me—I imagined that I never gave her approval—so what else is news, Doc? Holy [bleep]!

Calling all fellow-Schizophrenics: you are most definitely not alone!

-Jonathan Harnisch



 

Having A Blank State When it Comes to Feelings

HAVING here" >HAVING A “BLANK SLATE" WHEN IT here" >IT COMES here" >COMES TO FEELINGS here" >FEELINGS

This week the day leading up to therapy was full of feelings. Anxiety and super-pissed-off-ed-ness (yes I made up another word). The anxiety was because I did not want to go to therapy this week. It wasn’t because of fear, I simply had nothing to say.

Via bipolardid.wordpress.com

Jonathan Harnisch

Megalomania: Burn Collector

Be careful what you wish for! Every artistic expression, no matter how slight, how off-the-cuff, how, seemingly innocuous, has as its base motivation megalomania—which, though it can be fun, is nonetheless a dangerous member of the mania family, and should be approached cautiously. Manias, like many other poisons, produce an initially euphoric effect, and can be used recreationally in small doses. The Beatles referred to the strange behavior of their fans in the mid sixties—screaming, weeping, tearing their hair, and attempting to rip off pieces of their heroes’ clothing—as “the mania.” All that enthusiasm caused the band, eventually, to stop playing concerts, then to break up altogether; John Lennon was killed by an obsessed fan and George Harrison had to sign autographs for his radiologists’ son on his death bed. You might like the White Album, but would you, personally, want people to treat you like that? Our culture loves to iconize, and their chosen field has a breakdown, collapses, checks into rehab or jumps off a bridge, overwhelmed by the adulation and expectation they have brought upon themselves, we shake our heads in uncomprehending sadness, bewilderment, and perhaps a little bit of disdain… How would you react if our own subliminal desires were realized, if our dreams came true?

From Burn Collector

by Al Burian

-Jonathan Harnisch



 

Do Not Judge What You Do Not Understand

Don't Judge What You Don't Understand

-Jonathan Harnisch

If You Are Hurting

A true friend can tell that you are hurting even when you are able to fool everyone else with your smile.

Jonathan Harnisch

Love and Marriage

Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box of sorts full or all the things they have longed for, from companionship, to intimacy and friendship.  This box of marriage is empty at the beginning. We, who are married, must put something into this marriage box before we can take anything out. I believe that love is in people, not in marriage and it’s people who put love in marriage. When we infuse romance into marriage — marriage that does not contain romance in itself, we can then embrace it, and love it and marriage itself. Married people once giving love, praise and the art of giving what we can will keep the box of marriage full and ever expanding into a larger box — the box of marriage. The box will be empty if we take out more than we put in. Marriage is like a bank, safety deposit box. Marriage is good. Marriage is and can be worthwhile. It can become a continuous habit to add more and more into our marriage. This goes for any married couple.

Jonathan Harnisch

Words to Inspire Our Soul and Spirit

God, or your own higher power, will never leave you empty. He, or it, will replace everything you lost. If your higher power, whether it be God or not, asks you to put something doesn’t it’s because he, or your inner self, your inner guide, wants you to pick up something greater.

Jonathan Harnisch

Please Do Not Judge Me

 

Please don't judge me, you can't handle half of what I've dealt with. There's a reason I do the things I do, there's a reason I am who I am.

Jonathan Harnisch

[caption id="attachment_12695" align="alignleft" width="125"] J. Harnisch (2001)[/caption]

Relatively Copacetic: Remaining with the Mystery

For years, spiritual advisors have suggested I move into the silence and the present moment, and to return often. While embraced by its subtle yet profound power in the now, I am only able to enjoy the silence so dearly. Feeling creative, calm, and collect—collecting moments, not days—the days beginning, not having been, those which I remember are the moments, not the days, and in this stillness, I still seek, I am—free, taking some risks, dissolving some fears, having no expectations but to continue changing and evolving with both positive and negative experiences, enlightening and frightening with opportunities here and there, remembering now and then, yearning for this bliss, contained within its width and depth, only desiring to stay—to stay right here and right now. In this now, trusting in the power of now, just for now, bearing no pain, feeling only unconditional love for every being, and everything. Forgiving all else, just being right here, and right now, in my own vast space where overall, things seem relatively copacetic. I suppose it just goes to show that hope is always possible with any uncertainties becoming part of the adventure, moving forward leaving my own trail, dreaming while awake, the adventure is finding me from within, in its own mystery. 

Jonathan Harnisch

Mobile Post Moby Post-It: Jonathan Harnisch

Restored Mobile Post 13 March 2013

> Good Evening Friends, Fans and Planet Earth: We've been up here 48 hours now and it's about that time to call it a night and get some well needed rest. Thank you to all who've helped create Today's Top 10 list and while posting here from bed via iPhone at last, here's to see how it turns out. The mornings are often vitally restoring, full of new adventures and amazing opportunities.

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Jonathan Harnisch Challenges Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a wood and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

—Robert Frost

But how has it made a difference Mr. Frost?

—Jonathan Harnisch

Porcelain Utopia

Fear and Love: John Lennon

There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.

—John Lennon

Imperfection is Beauty

Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.

— Marilyn Monroe

À la fin de l'envoi, je touche!

Cyrano de Bergerac

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Tourette's Syndrome - We Can't Be Beaten By Something We Laugh At 

Jonathan Harnisch

The Walls

You are confined only by the walls you build yourself.

Jonathan Harnisch

The Mind is Everything — Jonathan Harnisch

All that we are is the result of what we have thought.

The mind is everything.

What we think, we become.

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Jonathan Harnisch: Blogspotting

Jonathan Harnisch's

Celebrated creative artist, Porcelain Utopia; eccentric schizophrenic, writer, producer, musician, developer, blogger & podcaster.

The eccentric recovering schizophrenic,  accomplished writer, producer and musician comes alive here, where it all comes together, all the art... blogging and podcasting about mental illness, inspiration and even some transgressive fiction and Duran Duran. Lots of fantastic quotes as well.

Experience Meaning, Purpose and Peace of Mind With or Without Mental Illness

“Whatever the struggle, continue the climb. It may be only one step to the summit.”

—Diane Westlake

Porcelain Utopia is a well thought out website that breaks the boundaries of commentary about schizophrenia. It is a living breathing document or blog that inspires to lead us to inquire about the illness and both provides us supportive feedback as well as helpful solutions to the coping mechanisms that Mr. Harnisch has found valuable. The medium which is offered is of a higher respect for recovery and faith to those who suffer and hits the mark to bust stigma through his personal stories.

From: schizophrenia.com

In medicine, the term comorbidity is either the presence of one or more disorders (or diseases) in addition to a primary disease or disorder, or the effect of such additional disorders or diseases—I have a form of schizophrenia called schizoaffective disorder. Schizophrenia is a disease of the brain that affects cognition, behavior, and social functioning. Schizoaffective disorder is schizophrenia plus a mood disorder. In my case: bipolar disorder. Both are complex disorders, and both fascinate me. I’m always trying to understand my own mind and experiences. Schizophrenia, by itself is known to be a long-term mental disorder, or disease, depending on the source, which involves a breakdown in the relationship between thought, emotion, and behavior, leading to inaccurate perceptions and faulty interpretations of reality as compared to the interpretation of reality by someone who is mentally healthy. In addition, inappropriate actions and feelings tend to occur, withdrawal from reality, “dissociation,” withdrawal from personal relationships into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation. That is why I think I have chosen art as my hobby—not as my profession, but my life.

My entire life is a work-in-progress, a work of art that is fueled by my illness. Recently, I have been on my way to being “recovered not cured.” My entire life is spent recovering. My life in general hasn’t always been this way but, in short, as many thought processes and systems seem to play a large part of my experiences, my life frequently feels like an LSD trip—sometimes for the better sometimes not. Sure, hallucinations, voices, and all the well-known symptoms are involved, and I prefer not to be beaten by something I can laugh at—so yes, of course it’s devastating and debilitating, day by day, minute by minute, but when I can, I laugh, as laughter is, indeed, the ultimate medicine. Some days I have schizophrenia; schizophrenia doesn’t have me, and some days, schizophrenia completely has me. Today, for example, is not the best day, but I believe it is—so it is. It is the best day of my life. I playfully, but with all sincerity, believe that I am schizophrenia, in the sense that the mechanisms of the illness dictate my experiences, actions, and so on. I just do my best to have my say, to use my mind, which is the “problem” in order to fix my mind, which again is the problem—sure that’s “insanity!”

I tend to have a very difficult time with having a “pressure” of thought and thus often a pressure in communicating—not that oh, I just talk too much—it’s real. What’s called my executive thinking has declined over the years, since I was a teenager—and yet I went to the best schools, lived a pretty interesting and intense life, certainly a privileged life—yet most of it has been lost. Rather, not completely lost—I have gained as well as I have lost. As I said, I have a form of schizophrenia called schizoaffective, and a personality disorder not otherwise specified which means that it does not fit any single one in particular—but a “landscape,” perhaps. I have Tourette’s syndrome, even now as an adult. And anxiety, which for the most part derives from a series of traumatic events in my life—Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, is the medical diagnosis. It has taken years for psychiatrists to put that much together, and yes, it’s a handful, to say the least.

I accept my illnesses and yet I take it as simply being my eccentricity and just rolling with that! Making it as good and as fun as I can! What are my other options? Accept or not accept. How can you not accept who you are?

I consider myself an accomplished writer, producer, and musician. I blog and I host a podcast about mental illness and inspiration, and I write transgressive fiction. Transgressive fiction is, in a way, similar to erotica, but with a twist of some more disturbing elements. Fight Club is considered transgressive fiction, and it’s one of my favorite films. This might come across as controversial but Fight Club actually mirrors a lot of my experiences, though even in the book, or the movie—it is not about schizophrenia, or multiple personality disorder. Neither the book nor the movie ever even mentions the word.

I subscribe to the idea—the action—the results and consequences of doing something each day—even today, and for now, just today—doing something today that my future self will thank me for. I’m always preparing for that: my future, my future life, my next incarnation—always doing and creating—my art. My life.

Day-to-day? I’ll start and stay right here and now and I choose… I choose to live my life today by choice, not by chance. To make changes, not excuses, to be motivated, not manipulated.

I choose self-esteem. As I create my day, as I set it up, doing my part so that the illness doesn’t do it for me, I choose self-esteem not pity. My inner voice—not the schizophrenic voices of, call me crazy—but Satan, OK? I know him well. Actually get along with him these days, and see? I have what’s called an insight or high metacognition, which is again, quite rare in schizophrenics, yes, I’m a schizo—I can laugh at that idea—I take responsibility for that. I own it. And I love it. It makes me feel good. Helps exorcise the demons—and I know that sounds ridiculous—it is ridiculous! It’s not necessarily real. But it is to me, even while I am aware that it is simply, a symptom of my illness.

My inner voice: I live a very spiritual life a New Age kind of life. I’m interested in that. I let my intuition—my sometimes, rather psychic abilities—guide me. Yet there’s a gray area, because this is yet another overlapping effect: is this my schizophrenia? Or are some of the impressions I get—or even voice—are they the Voice of God, or Spirit, or simply nothing at all? Why did a voice tell me randomly, just a few weeks ago, the square root of 587? I typed it into my calculator and it was right. I called my wife once—she was out one day, and I asked her what happened, that something was wrong. And she had had a small car accident I believe—everything was OK but there still seems to be a lot of misunderstandings of what this is all about. Mental illness, in general, is what I’m referring to, the further we can get in and articulate what is inside the mentally ill mind the better able we’ll be to understand what we consider “illness.” And, maybe one day with this understanding, science might be able to cure more disabilities.

My future self will thank me for what I am doing today. So, that’s my little off-the-cuff introduction. I hope to inspire courage and break stigma, and to express myself, because that, to me, is what being an artist is about.

Jonathan Harnisch & Porcelain Utopia

[caption id="attachment_11666" align="aligncenter" width="600"] www.porcelainutopia.com[/caption]

Envision a blend of a mentally ill mind with unsurpassed resiliency and fiery intellect and your result would be the brilliant Jonathan W. Harnisch. An all-around artist, Jonathan writes fiction and screenplays, sketches, imagines, and creates. His most recent artistic endeavor is developing music; a new-found passion with visible results already in the making. Produced filmmaker and published erotica author, Jonathan holds myriad accolades, and his works captivate the attention of those who experience it.

Manic-toned scripts with parallel lives, masochistic tendencies in sexual escapades, and disturbing clarities embellished with addiction, fetish, lust, and love, are just a taste of themes found in Jonathan’s transgressive literature. Conversely, his award-winning films capture the ironies of life, love, self-acceptance, tragedy and fantasy. Jonathan’s art evokes laughter and shock, elation and sadness, but overall forces you to step back and question your own version of reality.

Scripts, screenplays, and schizophrenia are defining factors of Jonathan’s life and reality - but surface labels are often incomplete. Jonathan is diagnosed with several mental illnesses from schizoaffective disorder to Tourette’s syndrome; playfully, he dubs himself the “King of Mental Illness.” Despite daily symptomatic struggles and thoughts, Jonathan radiates an authentic, effervescent, and loving spirit. His resiliency emanates from the greatest lesson he’s learned: laughter. His diagnoses and life experiences encourage him to laugh at reality as others see it. Wildly eccentric, open-minded, passionate and driven, Jonathan has a feral imagination. His inherent traits transpose to his art, making his works some of the most original and thought-provoking of modern day.

Jonathan is an alumnus of Choate Rosemary Hall. Subsequently, he attended NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts where he studied film production and screenwriting under Gary Winick and David Irving. During his studies at NYU, he held internships under renowned producers Steven Haft and Ismael Merchant. He is best known for his short films Ten Years and On The Bus, both of which boast countless awards including five Indie Film Awards, three Accolade Awards, and winner of Best Short Film and Audience Award in the New York International Independent Film and Video Festival, to name a few.

Despite his impressive formal education and awarded honors, Jonathan is your normal, down-to-earth guy. Meditation, Duran Duran, vivid colors, Patrick Nagel prints, and rearranging furniture are some of his favorite things. Vices include cigarettes, Diet Coke, inappropriate swearing, and sausage and green chile pizza. He enjoys irony, planned spontaneity, redefining himself and change. Jonathan lives with his beautiful wife Maureen, their three dogs and seven cats, in the unique, desert village of Corrales, New Mexico.

-H. S. [Staff Writer for Local News Journal]

 

[PORCELAIN UTOPIA]

PORCELAIN:

-From the Henry James’s novel The Portrait of a Lady.

The worldly Madame Merle, a collector of antique porcelain, describes herself in the following passage:

"It’s very true; there are more iron pots, I think, than porcelain ones. But you may depend upon it that every one has something; even the hardest iron pots have a little bruise, a little hole, somewhere. I flatter myself that I am rather stout porcelain; but if I must tell you the truth I have been chipped and cracked! I do very well for service yet, because I have been cleverly mended; and I try to remain in the cupboard—the quiet, dusky cupboard, where there is an odor of stale spices—as much as I can. But when I have to come out, and into a strong light, then, my dear, I am a horror!"

UTOPIA:

...simply stated, an ideal place.

"PORCELAIN UTOPIA"

ABOUT THIS WEBSITE

Jonathan Harnisch

In 2011, author, producer and screenwriter Jonathan W. Harnisch has announced the launch of his website "Porcelain Utopia" www.porcelainutopia.com where he chronicles his day-to-day struggles with schizophrenia and Tourette’s syndrome. Using art as his therapeutic medium, Jonathan wields humor and unrelenting honesty to expose the reality of living with such devastating diagnoses in the hope of eradicating the stigma of mental illness.

Jonathan has designed a media-rich website, where he hopes others affected by mental illness can connect with one another and begin to replace secrecy and shame with truth and acceptance.

Initially diagnosed with depression in 1994 at the age of 18, Jonathan was prescribed antidepressants, including the newest of the Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs). Unfortunately, the SSRIs triggered mania, and to combat it, Jonathan began to drink, which intensified his psychological instability and led to an addiction that he was finally able to overcome when he was 26.

However, as difficult as the disorders have been, in many ways, Jonathan has been blessed. He is a gifted artist, and he has frequently used his art to exorcise his own demons of isolation and loneliness. In 1998, he dramatized those issues in his award-winning film Ten Years, which he produced, directed, and wrote while attending NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts.

In 2008, Jonathan once again dramatized those themes of isolation and loneliness in another award-winning film, On The Bus, which in addition explores the horrors and chaos of mental illness. Through the eyes of the main character Larry, we see the uncontrollable, tumultuous symptoms of schizophrenia and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as brought on by a random act of violence.

A single act of violence rarely causes severe mental illness. Current research indicates that mental illness is generally a result of a genetic predisposition combined with environmental factors. Jonathan’s case would seem to validate that research, as there is a history of mental illness in his family, and he has suffered repeated trauma. Whatever the genesis, beginning in 2009 and culminating in the summer of 2010, Jonathan experienced a severe psychotic break that manifested in inappropriate, violent outbursts and regnant destructive behavior. Ultimately, however, this break brought Jonathan the help he needed, including a comprehensive psychological work-up that provided an accurate diagnosis and the right medication. Now psychologically stable, he invites others to behold his candid daily encounters with the symptoms of schizophrenia.

Jonathan willingly and genuinely shares his life through his written blog, and with his iTunes podcast “The Real Me”, both easily accessible at www.porcelainutopia.com. In the vein of prolific figures such as Elyn R. Saks and Kay Redfield Jamison, Jonathan illustrates his personal ongoing struggle with chronic mental illness in this supportive website that nurtures truth, acceptance, and community.

Jonathan’s art, imagination, and various creative outlets are simply his own catalyst for continuous resiliency and recovery. With the launch of his new website www.porcelainutopia.com, he turns another engaging and uplifting page of his story. Jonathan hopes to impact others positively through his publicized journey of how one individual copes with the perpetual rollercoaster of schizophrenia and Tourette’s syndrome.  

[NEW REVISION LINK]

Jonathan Harnisch

 

 

 

 

 

Celebrated Schizophrenic Creative Artist—Porcelain Utopia—writer, producer, musician, developer, blogger & podcaster; an evolving process of consciousness.

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Jonathan Harnisch Interview: When Madness Meets Genius

[caption id="attachment_11666" align="aligncenter" width="600"] www.porcelainutopia.com[/caption]

Web Celeb Jonathan Harnisch Interview: When Madness Meets Genius >> Porcelain Utopia

A.F. >> “Jonathan, your Web Celeb thing. Bro, I’m recording, just talk about it. Just talk. And don’t stop. Just talk.”

Jonathan Harnisch >> “I suppose I do stir up controversy. The hermit I may indeed be. I do enjoy provoking disagreement and even disapproval, even in public and online, for sure. My approaches to life and art, though a paradox, I consider myself an anti-artist who has this burning urge to create and add to creation, which I believe, defines art alongside self expression. It’s this effect of dichotomy. I seem to provoke disagreement and disapproval, more especially online and in the public itself.  And we all win a little and lose a little but keep going. Under control… Ideas seem to be pulled right from my pockets and all the while, there’s already too much creation at it is, and has been for a while now. I just add to it, in stockpiles, for that’s the only way. Here’s an idea, rather a self diagnosis, in that I seem to “suffer” from this dynamic of narcissism with no self esteem, since low or high levels would be artificial, either one has self esteem or one does not. So why not add to my comorbid diagnoses I’m publically known for [I smirk and continue to look away, into outer space, my tactile sense dominating, overriding what others might consider my visual or auditory sense being most dominant, the chameleon effect.] Yet to bring it back to, as I “suffer,” and laugh, suffering from this gosh darn Savant syndrome...”

A.F. >> “Sorry broski! You been dealing with that one since day of genius!”

“Well, it’s actually quite a pleasant deal, speaking for myself, of course, of this condition in which I, with my other serious mental disabilities, including autistic disorder… I suppose to “suffer” from demonstrating this horrifically profound and prodigious capacity or these inherent abilities within this otherwise schizophrenic and affective spectrum, to reach far in excess of what would be considered normal? I mean it’s one of the more pleasant aspects of such a complex handicap. I learn to love it, laugh at it, when I can, and just taking pride in it. It’s not like it’s going to harm me or anybody else, and if I do stir someone up, it’s on him or her. I tend to move ahead, even through the storms… This might be off topic but I love scoffing, especially when the word “scoff” is subtitled in a brilliant foreign film. Those are the best. Ah, how random it is, how it all comes in, all the hypomanic thoughts and schizophrenic voices, all at once; I think my train of thought has left the station at this point. Can we close up the interview? I’d like to insert this ciggie I hold in mouth. Inhale and breathe out. One more addition if I may, oddly enough with my scoring very low on IQ tests, for example, amongst us lucky few, undoubtedly common among us, they say and I agree I exhibit exceptional skills and brilliance in certain areas, whether it’s this ability to calculate complexities while simple math I must count with my fingers, vivid art, cinematic memory, as I prefer calling it, rather than it being photographic, it’s in 3D. Then my ear, not my voice, tuned into music and other sound puzzles. While it’s considered a syndrome, this, my Savant syndrome, this condition is technically not recognized as an actual mental disorder, nor as a partial mental disorder as far as I know in general.”

[Long pause]

Jonathan Harnisch >> “Done, bro.”

A.F. >> “Perfect, and yo, man, put this [above] on your blog, on Porcelain Utopia, it’s cool. Give me an hour and I’ll send you some stuff. [And, alas, I posted it all above only adjusting punctuation the way I wanted to present it. In my own mad way of the day.]

—Interview by A.F. my one of many notorious ‘realty mediators,’ who happened to be inquiring as the medical student he is, pursuing his doctorate level thesis gathering data from first hand accounts in order to research into the psychology of When Madness Meets Genius. He happed to come to me, first. And he allowed me access to his recording simply without his true identity given his own genius, in my opinion, of his likely keeping his credit when his work might prove to be quite pioneering. Oddly enough, I’ve been asked by others to participate in not so much studies but more into others whom I do not necessarily know personally but merely for their own books which I find to be less satisfying than having someone who is like a true brother to me, take me on without hesitation to assist with whatever else he seems to be putting together. I can hardly reach my good pal these days. Med school takes up all of his time, literally, and his calling into my clubhouse here on Easter Sunday, from down near Roswell, as he travels with school. This was indeed quite a fun interview, as one-sided as it was, and yet as he wanted. He posed the questions, and left it open ended, then, “just talk,” he said. Afterwards, he Facebooked me having heard the tape or whatever he was using, I asked him if that was good enough, then laughing since I had mentioned my lack of self esteem, he replied, “No, it was perfect, J.” I grinned. Then, he said there was your voice, bro, your voice, which was even more the key to the front door [of his study.] “Next time, we are Skype-ing it, since I’m out of town, but I need to gather your body language, bro, your eyes. Everything. You’ll see. I will totally deliver back, but this is going to be one long process, and [I’m] dying of allergies.” I said goodbye, and he hung up.

That’s so ‘him.’

Jonathan Harnisch