It seems like I’ve been
back on the horse after a couple challenging days, which followed my thirty-day
mark of awesome fun and positive days continuously. I’ve been having some good
days. Today, I’m just a little sad and sleepy, nothing too difficult to handle.
It really seems like my good vs. bad days are most associated with whether or
not I feel I am being taking advantage of in some way. It may be a chicken and
egg thing, in that I can become symptomatic, and this leads me to feel
suspicious. On the other hand I do think that if I am finding myself overly
suspicious that may indicate I am symptomatic. The other thing is that when I
act out in a significant way, people can react to that negatively, which then
often makes my suspicions a self-fulfilling prophecy!
Through therapy I am able
to understand there can always be some truth to being taken advantage of.
People don’t always treat us fairly, or may try to gain an edge in a situation
(e.g. taking an extra cigarette break, while working for me, on my time).
However, my therapist’s recommendation is for me to process my suspicions
before acting out on them in any dramatic way. I find therapy sessions are good
times to process. I tend to gain some clarity over time and I can imagine
holding off on any big reactions as being helpful in moments of suspicion.
As has been the case over
the last month: exercising, getting out of the property, interacting with
others, all tend to help me feel better. I’ve got to remember; this isn’t black
and white, and “slow and steady wins the race” with this stuff!
Other than that I have
had concerns about diet and some recent weight gain. It could be good for my
therapist and I to go to Trader Joe’s. I’d like that. I think we can easily
find some good tasting and healthy stuff to eat!
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