"The most important thing
in communication
is to hear what isn't being said."
—Peter Drucker
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Porcelain Utopia[/caption]
Monday, December 31, 2012
The Most Important Thing in Communication
is to hear what isn't being said."
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Porcelain Utopia[/caption]
The Bad and The Good
Never fear that you can do anything which will cause you to be punished for all eternity. You are growing and evolvoing for all eternity. You need the "bad" things to grow just as much as the "good".
—J.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Happy New Year!
December 31, <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about 2012 here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/2012">2012
Happy New Year!
2012—2013
As the world makes a countdown to the New Year, may you be wise enough to count only the blessings you have been showered with, the friends you have made, and the joys you've received in the past year.
Jonathan Harnisch, Porcelain Utopia, Schizophrenic and Caregiver, The Real Me Podcast, Fat Man Farms, The <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about Hot Club here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/hot-club">Hot Club, <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about Harnisch Productions here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/-productions">Harnisch Productions, Babydude Press, and <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about Fat Man Media here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/fat-man-media">Fat Man Media wish you a wonderful Happy New Year!
—J.
Life is Life, Fight For It
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
—Mother Teresa
If You Judge People, You Have No Time To Love Them
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
—Mother Teresa
Surrender and Understanding: This Is All That Is
There cannot be the ultimate understanding without the ultimate surrender. Certain personalities will try to avoid one or the other under the guise of some higher wisdom, but always at the cost of wholeness... It is the surrender of all vestiges of the sense of the individual person, including, ironic as it may seem, all those hopes and dreams and prayers of ever becoming a good or better person or a person other people might love or like or be drawn to. It is the complete surrender into 'This Is All That Is.' ...And yes, that final surrender, that total Understanding is sudden and happens once. And that once is now. And that now is eternal.
—David Carse
To Be Something Other Than What You Are
To be an individual is not an easy thing, you see. That means you are very ordinary. It is very difficult to be ordinary, you know. You want to be something other than what you are. To be yourself is very easy, you don’t have to do a thing. No effort is necessary. You don’t have to exercise will, you don’t have to do anything to be yourself. But to be something other than what you are, you have to do a lot of things.
—U.G. Krishnamurti
I Love My Wife
I Love My Wife
My breathtaking wife just texted me this spine-tingling iMessage:
"I'm so glad we are together.
Never in a million years did I think I'd be married to someone who gets me so well; who really understands the spiritual aspect of life.
You are my soulmate in the truest sense of the word."
My senses are stolen with an intoxication, with the knowledge that my true love and I are in it for the long haul...
Jonathan Harnisch
A Healthy Lifestyle
Follow your dreams, work hard, practice and persevere. Make sure you eat a variety of foods, get plenty of exercise and maintain a healthy lifestyle.
—Sasha Cohen
To Work Hard
We need to steer clear of this poverty of ambition, where people want to drive fancy cars and wear nice clothes and live in nice apartments but don't want to work hard to accomplish these things. Everyone should try to realize their full potential.
—Barack Obama
Count Your Blessings
Be grateful for small things, big things, and everything in between.
Count your blessings, not your problems.
—Mandy Hale
Saturday, December 29, 2012
New Year’s Resolution
Having a New Year’s Eve party?
A Resolution: Seems like if I stop restoring the old broken posts and pages and move forward with only text posts, no links, photos, files, or media, all is OK here on Porcelain Utopia. Here's what got me there, from my notebook.
Good morning—up at 3 here. Now nearly 6 AM. Prior to any morning meds, which I just "dropped" LOL (LSD reference—been there too, just not in the 60s—actually 10 years clean in a couple weeks.) But with both this technology "stuff"—it's all just moving way too quickly and I am unable to keep up, I've "semi-resigned" from Porcelain Utopia, and other work and art projects, leaving it open enough (example: when the site crashed mid-year.) I cannot for the life of me, even as a developer for Apple, Microsoft and Google, if you can believe that—and I was the wiz kid at age 15 who developed the software for Amazon among others—made me $ billions (thus <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about PTSD here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/ptsd">PTSD once my father snagged it all from me in 2009.) Nonetheless sometimes I feel like a Buddhist monk, sometimes I playfully sing and laugh about being a "Schizo 4 Life' (like on my last iTunes album)—at least I can laugh at it; then sometimes I can't think straight at all, and I end up hating especially schizophrenia and myself—sometimes directing this love turned inside out towards others, though usually not these days. In my head, lately, I've been setting up a basic resignation post—thinking about it over and over—from Porcelain Utopia (yet again). So much hate mail, and I just can't for the life of me, while healthier than ever before (since my teens) even the touch a key on my site (on the board—as administrator) with all the code I created and it's all deleting so much material on this site, glitch-ing up and I have to let it go. Besides with my dyslexia I am legally blind—so big whoop—overstimulation. I (“sometimes.... sometimes.... sometimes...” is the keyword, I suppose) but I can't do this, with my 2,200 page novel, and 3 others, 3 film deals—one just was green-lighted last week, with people wanting to sign me—etc., I just want to do my own thing which I am, having declined all radio, <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about podcast here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/podcast">podcast, press, interviews, etc. so I write this quick-y post to say, "I'm out! Technology took a wrong turn and sometimes I feel this way and sometimes I feel that—Porcelain Utopia is done as I putz along in life always finding my way—" I had meant to write this in order to brain storm on resigning—anyway it’ll stay as it is. Suck it up and spit it out—let it go…
Have good morning folks… Sorry about the sh-t-glitches and broken files, posts, f—ed up sizing, these days, here on Porcelain Utopia. Thx for hearing my vent—as much as I dislike venting. —J
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Let Everything Happen
Let everything happen to you; beauty and terror.
Just keep going.
No feeling is final.
—Rainer Maria Rilke
Bohemian-Austrian poet
Ten Thousand Tomorrows
Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there's a tomorrow. Maybe for you there's one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers. So much time you can waste it. But for some of us there's only today. And the <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about truth here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/truth">truth is, you never really know.
—Lauren Oliver
Before I Fall
Please copy and paste the following link in your browser if interested in this terrific read endorsed by <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about Healthy Place here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/healthy-place">Healthy Place, whom I can always count on! As far as the links/tags (and other issues) should simply be until the matter of the site's creating tags from commonly used words, in this case "Amazon" hoping it does not interfere with the ease of use due to the latest updates with the various software used for Porcelain Utopia. Thank you for understanding and <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about forgiveness here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/forgiveness">forgiveness. You're all so terrific!
—Jonathan Harnisch
http://www.amazon.com/Before-I-Fall-Lauren-Oliver/dp/0061726818
What if you only had one day to live? What would you do? Who would you kiss? And how far would you go to save your own life?
Love is Never a Dependency
One of the most important of life´s lessons is to learn independence, to understand freedom. This means independence from attachments, from results, from opinions, and from expectations. Breaking attachments leads to freedom, but breaking attachments does not mean abandoning a loving and meaningful relationship, a relationship that nourishes your soul. It means ending dependency on any person or thing. Love is never a dependency.
―Brian L. Weiss
Self-Compassion During Difficult Times
Holidays got you feeling overwhelmed? Have a look at these tips from Harvard Business on how to defeat <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about stress here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/stress">stress:
From:
Nine Ways Successful People Defeat Stress
"A dose of <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about self here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/self">self-compassion when things are at their most difficult can reduce your <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about stress here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/stress">stress and improve your performance, by making it easier to learn from your mistakes. So remember that to err is human, and give yourself a break."
[link]—Harvard Business Review
Thanks to Weever Apps for sharing this post!
—Jonathan Harnisch
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
It's Always Possible to Forgive
However right one may be, or however huge the hurt, it's always possible to forgive.
—Jonathan Harnisch
Happiness Dwells in the Soul
Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold.
The feeling of happiness dwells in the soul.
—Democritus
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
The Time Between
It's not the day that you were born or the day that you die that matters.
It's all the days between the years that does matter.
Jonathan Harnisch
A Simple Truth
If you spend all your energy on the small stuff, there's never enough room for the things that bring happiness.
Jonathan Harnisch
Monday, December 24, 2012
Porcelain Utopia Press >> Jonathan Harnisch
How to Get 26 Million Hits in Less Than a Year
http://weeverapps.com/how-to-get-26-million-hits-in-less-than-a-year/
Excerpt:
"Jonathan Harnisch of Porcelain Utopia is quite the intriguing individual. He is diagnosed with several mental illnesses from schizoaffective disorder to Tourette’s syndrome. Yet in the past year, he has single-handedly wielded a blog that has received over 26 million hits..."
Great Press on Jonathan Harnisch's Porcelain Utopia Site courtesy of Weever Apps
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Just the Two of Us
Just the Two of Us: Schizophrenic and Caregiver Self Help on The Real Me Radio
My apologies for technical issues with direct links and certain media files, provided are the links, for which you might need to cut and paste in to your browser as WordPress is still working out many glitches within the theme of this blog as well. Thank you for understanding in advance, also a simple search will do, and for the free podcast on iTunes just typing in The Real Me, or the last name Harnisch, shouldn't be too difficult to locate. Thanks to you all as we crusade together, seeking and finding ourselves...
The archive of Episode 96 should be located at: http://therealme.podbean.com/<a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about 2012 here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/2012">2012/12/23/episode-096-just-the-two-of-us-schizophrenic-and-caregiver/
The Real Me Podcast #96 "Just the Two of Us: Schizophrenic and Caregiver" where Jonathan Harnisch and his wife Maureen talk about the impact Jonathan's illness has had throughout the years: his progress, his stabilization, and what he still hopes to achieve.
The Real Me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/therealmepodcast
Schizophrenia and relationships on live radio: schizophrenic survivor, Jonathan Harnisch talks with his wife on the air about the role of being a caregiver to those with mental illness, always adhering to the core of those with a <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about mental health here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/mental-health">mental health condition of any kind. It could very well be worth a listen for just under an hour. The film Walk Away Renee is referenced as well; certainly worth viewing to those in any caregiving position:
http://www.amazon.com/Walk-Away-Renee-Theatrical-Rental/dp/B00AFS9576
Director Jonathan Caouette embarks on a road trip to move his mentally ill (schizoaffective) mother Renee across the country. As they encounter roadblocks in the present, we begin to flash back to moments from the past, giving us insight into this anything-but-ordinary mother/son relationship.
Highly recommended.
Jonathan Harnisch
Friday, December 21, 2012
Doing Your Best Quote
If you think about it, aren't we all doing the best we can at everything we do every single moment?
—Jonathan Harnisch
To Rise After Falling
What we do does not define who we are.
What defines us is how well we rise after falling.
—Jonathan Harnisch
Misery or Motivation
Be miserable. Or motivate yourself.
Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.
—Wayne Dyer
Being OK with Things Exactly as They Are; Plain and Simple
BE <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about OK here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/ok">OK WITH THINGS EXACTLY AS THEY ARE
—Jonathan Harnisch
How to Catch Santa
How to Catch Santa
How to Catch Santa [link]
—Jonathan Harnisch
via Porcelain Utopia on Pinterest
Happy Holidays!
To My Audience
To my dear audience here on Porcelain Utopia, The Real Me Podcast, Schizophrenic and Caregiver and on all platforms—
I may have never met you, but I want to thank you all for being here to read, listen watch, and communicate—for making me laugh, cry and for just being great!
Happy Holidays to you all!
Sincerely,
Jonathan Harnisch
Fame
With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon.
—Albert Einstein
Thursday, December 20, 2012
To Forget is the Happiest
The first to apologize is the bravest.
The first to forgive is the strongest.
The first to forget is the happiest.
Jonathan Harnisch
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Bedrock
We've got to reach bedrock, to become depressed enough, before we are forced to accept the reality and enormity of the problem.
Jonathan Harnisch
World Within My Wall
Home Movie
World Within My Wall
[vimeo 55987927 w=675 h=379]
World Within My Wall directed by Jonathan Harnisch
'World Within My Wall' has been sitting on the shelf for six months; enough people have asked for me to publish this film, from hearing about my connection with the farm and beauty in a way I've never been quite as honest about in film—capturing the beauty I find with the haunted self, behind the walls, and within, imprisoned—metaphor after metaphor—mirrors, and the way I've directed a visual "being inside of my world, with me—with self" here on Fat Man Farms and here at home. I've shot, directed, and edited this film for personal use. It is the most meaningful, film I've ever made and actually makes me cry when I do watch it alone, within the walls I've built, and where a hurting but beautiful world of isolation resides, within myself, and that which surrounds me—entirely so.
Companion Film
[vimeo 54670489 w=640 h=360]
Jonathan Harnisch
One Person to Change the World
As one person I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person.
—Paul Shane Spear
Happy Holidays
Seasons Greetings!
2012
To those stuck in the 80s and from myself being a big time Duran Duran enthusiast, let's share the holiday season with happiness and joy and Christmas toys, from myself, and this [below] from Duran Duran. Let our joy, peace and hope—of good times past and better times ahead—ring and sing...
Keeping hope an laughter alive and let's let everyone know it's Christmastime!—No matter what our musical tastes are!
And shine on from Jonathan Harnisch, too. To all Porcelain Utopia people and everyone. Tis the season!
Happy Holidays!
w/ Love...
—Porcelain Utopia, The Real Me Podcast and Schizophrenic and Caregiver
Normal People Scare Me >> Porcelain Utopia
A Little Dose of Humor—
Normal People Scare Me...
But not as much as I scare them!
Jonathan Harnisch
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Can You Handle Me?
Marilyn Monroe once said:
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes.
I am out of control and at times
hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me
at my worst, then you sure as hell don't
deserve me at my best.”
Jonathan Harnisch
Satisfied with the Statistic of Schizophrenia
Percentage-wise I'm OK it's me with schizophrenia. Since I'm in the 1%, many others we able to "escape"— schizophrenia-free.
Jonathan Harnisch
Laughter is Good Therapy
Being able to laugh with someone who has schizophrenia is good therapy for everyone; becoming indignant is not.
Jonathan Harnisch
Blame and Shame
Blame and shame are completely irrational, with or without schizophrenia, or any mental illness for that matter.
Jonathan Harnisch
When it Never Seems Quite Enough
You and I—we—are not alone, when we might think that whatever one does and however hard one tries, there is always the lingering feeling that it’s not quite enough, whether is be the sufferer of schizophrenia, or the provider.
Let’s meet at a common ground.
Jonathan Harnisch
My Business Card
My “business card” handed out to the general public with a bit of intact humor despite my schizophrenia:
Excuse me. I need to tell you that I am a person who suffers from schizophrenia. When I am berated, belittled, insulted, or otherwise treated in an oppressive manner, I tend to become emotionally ill. Could I ask that you restate your concerns in a manner that does not tend to disable me?
Jonathan Harnisch
Drama to the Table
When certain people bring nothing but drama to the table, you know it's time to let them eat by themselves.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Transcending the Limitations of Schizophrenia
New Review on iTunes
The Real Me Podcast (Jonathan Harnisch)
I hope to get to the next episode soon. —J.
http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/real-me-jonathan-harnisch/id432451121
By BigMuffin25 — December 15, 2012 here" >2012
Transcending the Limitations of Schizophrenia
What always amazes and impresses me about The Real Me podcasts (and all of Jonathan Harnisch’s work, for that matter) is that regardless of where he may be emotionally and psychologically, when Jonathan starts working, he is able to transcend the limitations (or restrictions) of his illness. It is through his work that Jonathan manages again and again to hang on to the core—or perhaps the soul—of who he is as an individual.
For example, Jonathan’s references to his therapists shows great insight into the dynamic of the paranoia that arises regarding those closest to him. I think Jonathan’s podcasts provide a glimpse into the chaos that is schizoaffective disorder here" >disorder.
Thank you BigMuffin25,
Jonathan Harnisch
Everything Disappears
The moment you start seeing life as non-serious, a playfulness, all the burden on your heart disappears. All the fear of death, of life, of love — everything disappears. One starts living with a very light weight or almost no weight. So weightless one becomes, one can fly in the open sky.
—Osho
Mind Over Matter
My mental illness (schizophrenia), cannot be fought using mind over matter because it's my mind that is the matter.
—Jonathan Harnisch
Sunday, December 16, 2012
An Invitation to Surrender
An Invitation to Surrender Guided Meditation by Jonathan Harnisch
Demystifying Mental Illness From The Perspective Of A Survivor With Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective, <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about PTSD here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/ptsd">PTSD, Personality Disorder-<a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about NOS here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/nos">NOS, and Tourette's Syndrome.
Free and brand new on iTunes. http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/real-me-jonathan-harnisch/id432451121
"Just take a few moments here to find a quiet spot where you can sit or lie down, and get comfortable in your body. Relax the body right now…as much as you possibly can. Allowing the mind to quiet, bringing a gentle silence into the mind. And, just letting go of any thoughts that arise, let them dissipate into this vast, infinite silence..."
The full written transcript of this meditation has been written and is available on Porcelain Utopia on the "Silence in the Mind" post linked <a title="Silence in the Mind" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/meditation" target="_blank">here:
<a title="Silence in the Mind" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/meditation" target="_blank">http://www.jharnisch.com/meditation
Jonathan Harnisch
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Stigma
March 20, 2012 here">2012
Schizophrenia is a serious mental illness here">mental illness and should never be taken with a grain of salt. I’ve come across various mentally ill people during my own quest for recovery. Many have been either ignorant or perhaps just uninformed on what having a <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/mental-health" title="View all articles about mental health here">mental health condition is all about. I’ll often hear, “Just snap out of it!” I wish I could just do that, though I have my good days along with the bad. I make an honest attempt to educate others, yet without pushing the issue, on what it’s like to experience life with schizophrenia and how others around can be affected as well.
Without an open mind, and holding onto stigma, it doesn’t help either of us. I choose not to include in my life people who have no inherent desire to “understand,” and accept <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/mental-health" title="View all articles about mental health here">mental health issues as something that millions of people suffer from.
Schizophrenia can be pretty darn devastating. Let’s all express our stories and do all we can to do away with stigma and dismissiveness. Let’s tell the world, even if just one person at a time! Let’s do away with the misunderstandings, and be friends!
Schizophrenia Etc.
March 22, 2012 here">2012
As you might or might not know already, I’m a recovering schizophrenic, with PTSD and Tourette’s syndrome. The Tourette’s is considered “severe” as I am 36 years old, an adult with Tourette’s still present. I’ve had Tourette since I was very young; actually I was about 2 when I showed the first signs. Then officially diagnosed with Tourette’s and possible adolescent onset schizophrenia at age 12 in 1988. I have a mood disorder component (thus Schizoaffective) and I’m coming upon my 10 years of sobriety off of drug and alcohol addiction. Yes, you could say I’ve been through the ringer!
Opening up and sharing my world and my experiences, with hope, and participation in my own recovery and metacognition (usually in deficit for those with schizophrenia) and mindfulness—these all have been helping me become who I am today: an accomplished writer (literature and film/TV) technically a professional author of erotic fiction. I often laugh at this because there are so many sides of me—the “angel demon human dichotomy” – I use various outlets to express my creativity. I have an education in the arts primarily but have worked on Wall St. in my “healthier” days, so I know a bit about that field—I chose ultimately to do what I am doing now—which is just this. I am also a film producer and a musician. My new full 15-track LP will be arriving at over 60 retailers in the coming weeks under the band name Schizophrenic and Caregiver. All my work is also available for free, and always free, as far as I know. My thoughts are free—my public life, my ‘open source’ information-life of J.H.
Having lived in New York, Connecticut, Paris France, Los Angeles, and now New Mexico, I am now married and I blog and podcast mostly about mental illness, inspiration, New Age ideas and transgressive material—transgressional fiction—[If you’ve seen or read <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/fight-club" title="View all articles about Fight Club here">Fight Club—it’s pretty much like that!]
I am myself—an expert on myself, and my own experiences, that’s about all I’m an expert on. I am not a doctor of any kind. I enjoy learning, reading and communicating—whatever I say, or write, I like to add, “take what you will, leave the rest.” I try my best to speak for myself when it comes down to it—
I just love what I do. I love who I am. I have accepted that which was taken away from me including some cognition, some intellectual and artistic credits not given to me due to silly and ignorant stigma—the bottom line—my money, the companies I’ve owned, and some I still do, as majority shareholder but the power ever-so-creatively taken away from me because of stigma.
I do understand stigmatic judgments—the mindset; it’s almost “sociopathic,” but I do understand “greed” for example, but moreover, stigma—I don’t believe in stigma. It doesn’t work. Nor do I agree with it or think it’s right, but I understand how some people’s minds work, and how they just won’t, or might not ever change—not knowing and not wanting to know. Further, I accept that stigma exists and is real, and rampant in our society and culture.
Again, I love what I do, what I create, what I believe in, my own Porcelain Utopia—the hub of it all—I love the Internet and computers, reading, learning and getting frustrated, figuring out ways of fixing some computer glitch that presents a mental challenge for me—Of course, my life would be easier without schizophrenia (Sz)—sure, I wish I didn’t have this condition. But I do, and I accept it.
Since losing my financial abundance, I have had to and I’ve succeeded and continue to succeed (though the memories and thus the traumatic element creeps up on me at times) but I have thus redefined and continue to “refine this redefining” of what I truly value in my life: I value time and love. I value connecting with others. I value my “life situation.” I value mindfulness—that I can use self-awareness, with the more positive experiences I gather and in building up my own sustained healthy mindset and reality. I value using my mind, which is the one part of me that is, in fact where the problem is—in order to come to terms with it…. Mindfulness, and cognition; being self-aware—
Yesterday I was in a state of “hell” at one point—spot on. Bottom line: I didn’t want to be there. I used my “thinking about thinking” to get me out in time. In time for my therapy appointment so that I’d have the little “thrill,” if you will, by the time of my psychologist’s appointment, I could sit there and tell my doctor that I had just been through hell and I am now back this is how I did it—what do you think, Doc, feedback? —This, instead of needing him to help me get out of the negativity, the schizophrenic mindset—I did it myself, and lived to tell about within about a hour’s time total.
Challenges: to treat life like a game in a way. To accept what you’ve got—let go of the rest and just do your best. This is all 100% much easier said than done and is a full time job. But I live in an overall (yes, overall) state of gratitude and peace of mind. Today is once again, the Best Day of My Life, and it’s not all that bad, depending on how one decides to see it—I invite you to consider that this is likely the Best Day of Your Life.
I woke up and wasn’t hungry. Guess what I did? I ate breakfast—just small. It’s the culmination of these kinds of routines, or lifestyle changes that altogether help me feel at my best.
Self-awareness: thinking about thinking, knowing about knowing. Can we use our minds, which are literally diseased with Sz in order to cope and enjoy the sustained peace of mind I’ve been podcasting about recently on The Real Me?
This is a new subject I’m endeavoring to learn more about—the subjects of cognition, mindfulness, even science itself, and if it might already be or possibly become a part of your own individual healing process—There is not much study nor literature I have read thus far, on metacognition, for example, compared to mindfulness or general cognition itself. So far it’s fascinating me, because my doctor says that I have enormous awareness, or metacognition while it appears that most schizophrenics lack it— generally speaking. I can often speak about my hallucinations and voices while they’re active while being totally detached from them. This fascinates me so much.
I feel proud and smart because of the things my psychologist tells me, while he is perhaps one of the most pragmatic and tell-it-like-it-is, matter-of-fact people I’ve ever come across.
Just a couple footnotes: In science, cognition refers to mental processes. Attention, remembering, producing and understanding language, solving problems, and making decisions.
Metacognition refers to one’s knowledge concerning one’s own cognitive processes or anything related to them, e.g., the learning-relevant properties of information or data. For example, I am engaging in metacognition if I notice that I am having more trouble learning A than B; if it strikes me that I should double check C before accepting it as fact.
Quite scientific so I’m not going to write much more about it until I finish more of my crash course during my free time these days, which is sparse.
May I dedicate this particular blog post to the following:
- NAMI: the National Alliance on Mental Illness
- Sz Magazine
- Healthy Place - healthyplace.com
- Friends and acquaintances on Twitter, Porcelain Utopia and everything online—social networks—all of you guys:
Thank you so very much! You are perfect just the way you are!
You are all, in fact, my rock of support!
My trapeze net!
So, once again, I have lots of work to get to now—freelance writing and things, meditation, friends to see, food to eat, medicine to take, and life to live.
Sincerely,
Jonathan Harnisch
Via Facebook:
"You yourself are absolutely amazing! I watched your movie, then read your blog. Your enthusiasm about life, people and how they have made a difference in your life is priceless. I'm sure that is how everyone feels about you and the positive difference you make in his or her lives and of course mine. ♥"
-C.T.
Schizophrenia Doesn't Mean There Isn't Hope
Schizophrenia is a challenging <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about disorder here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/disorder">disorder that makes it difficult to distinguish between what is real and unreal, think clearly, manage emotions, and relate to others. These obstacles can get in the way of your ability to function normally and take care of yourself.
But that doesn't mean there isn't hope.
Friday, December 14, 2012
The Master of My Emotions
If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
—Og Mandino
Humbled by Spirit
I am very humbled by Holy Spirit. Sometimes the energies in the universe are very challenging with the ongoing 'work on ourselves' that we do individually - dammit! I do not want to think that everything is a lesson. If this is the planet of lessons in the universe then a lot of people came here to work out lessons - because it is a crowded planet!
Jonathan Harnisch
Schizophrenia
14 December 2012 here" >2012 6:30 <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/pm" title="View all articles about PM here" >PM
Sasha recently posted this immaculate portrait into her—perhaps all our—experiences with schizophrenia.
As for myself, the <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about voices here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/voices">voices, hallucinations, delusions and paranoia with countless doctor's visits recently has been a large factor in my being so inactive online—only reposting, or auto-posting such-and-such for the past several weeks.
It is those "4 out of 5" <a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" title="View all articles about voices here" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/voices">voices as described in this video embedded below which do tell me to "Go for it," and hopefully a podcast to come soon... something... anything. If you or a loved one has schizophrenia, and specifically with hearing voices (either accompanied with self-harm/sabotage, or not) it's worth the few minutes, highly recommended, to not feel alone by looking into a mirror—a part of the shattered mirror, it seems quite often—someone else's.
No, we are not alone—if others could only experience with compassion, and many do. A great deal of us are able to get through the most challenging of times with this devastating condition. If only I could view my own symptoms with a lighter heart, as I sometimes do, but certainly not at this moment. It simply hurts too much.
Blessings, and to Sasha, thank you tremendously for lifting my own spirits while seeing into yours.
Schizophrenia
Link: the update to the theme of Porcelain Utopia I must say is quite awful, the video is still recommended; I certainly do apologize for all the many glitches on this website—oh well, it's beyond my control:
Update, my thinking should put me away—I can't for the life of me in my own delusional wonderland figure out how to embed, link, post images, only type as crummy as it might come out.
So I suppose as this once-upon-a-time little idea for a website collapses, so do I. The voices fucking scream. Hope to switch gears soon, even if I turn this site into a dumpster for my own inner turmoil and all its wasteful delusion. I really wish I could have shared the video—it's not disallowed. My own voices won't allow me to... "You should be locked up," they scream. So that's all I've got, for now.
—Jonathan Harnisch
Monday, December 10, 2012
Fighting for Your Life is Not the Same as Living it
Stop Overthinking and Start Living
Metaphorically, the distinction between the function of a psychological disorder and the form it takes in one’s life can be likened to someone standing in a battlefield fighting a war. The war is not going well. The person fights harder and harder. Losing is a devastating option; but unless the war is won, the person fighting it thinks that living a worthwhile life will be impossible. The war goes on. Unknown to that person is the fact that, at any time, he or she can quit the battlefield and begin to live life now. The war may still go on, and the battlefield may still be visible. The terrain may look very much as it did while the fighting was happening. But the outcome of the war is no longer very important and the seemingly illogical sequence of having to win the war before beginning to really live has been abandoned.
—Steven C. Hayes
"Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life"
Fighting for your life is not the same as living it.
Jonathan Harnisch
What if They Fought a War and Nobody Came?
What if they fought a war and nobody came?
—Slogan from the 1960s
In protest of the Vietnam War, this poem by German poet, playwright, and theater director, Bertolt Brecht(10 February 1898—14 August 1956) was written in the 1930s.
What if they gave a war and nobody came?
Why, then, the war would come to you!
He who stays home when the fight begins
and lets another fight for his cause
should take care:
He who does not take part
in the battle will share in the defeat.
Even avoiding battle will not avoid battle.
Since not to fight for your own cause
really means
Fighting on behalf of your enemy's cause.
[caption id="attachment_11282" align="alignleft" width="225"]
Bertolt Brecht[/caption]Jonathan Harnisch
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Happiness is Yours to Keep
Nobody can take away your pain, so don't let anyone take away your happiness. You need to be able to be perfectly happy just on your own. If you ever want to be truly happy you must be conscious of the fact that you determine your happiness and not anyone else. Never let someone steal your happiness, it was never theirs to take. Life is full of ups and downs. The trick is to enjoy the ups and have courage during the downs.
Jonathan Harnisch
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Miracles
We often stumble through life trying to force miracles, when there are miracles happening around us all the time.
–Charles Holt
Love the Moment
Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital.
It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed.
Jonathan Harnisch
Relationships and Mental Health
Restored Post from April 1, 2012
"Perhaps the only true dignity of a man is his capacity to despise himself."
–George Santayana
I give thanks for The God Source’s presence in my life and for the blessings it has bestowed upon me. Thank you, for all the relationships in my past, present and future that have helped me to come to this place. Each one has taught me significant lessons about myself.
Today I am grateful, yet I find myself in a state of self-examination. I tend to doubt myself, very often, questioning myself, whether I am a good person or a bad person.
My marriage is not in jeopardy, but as some of Porcelain Utopia’s audience comes from such categories as relationships, divorce, and healing, mainly self-help, self-healing, and spirituality, I mean no harm in this and would like to broaden this blog post to a more general idea of, let’s call it, “the worst case scenario,” because I love my wife and I know that she loves me.
We are good, even great—together, but in 2009 we had been separated and she has often written about this period in our lives on her own blog, so I would like to, because I am able to, reach into some of the feelings and events that had surfaced more during that period of time—we have since reconciled in 2010, and are celebrating our four-year anniversary on the 26th of April—this month.
Like the archangel, "Haniel," as I call her, my beautiful, perfect-just-the-way-she-is wife, I write this to come to a place of more self-forgiveness—my latest quest, and to hopefully impart some information to those of you who read Porcelain Utopia, who might be struggling with a relationship, or who may have, in fact, be thinking, “I've had enough.”
I write out of compassion, and understanding, yet the bottom line is, what is written, is different from what is said aloud, and in person. My wife is away until tomorrow. I fear she might think I am “attacking” her.
...Maybe that’s just my illness speaking.
“In a fight between you and the world, back the world.”
—Franz Kafka
I crave for ease of living and ease of mind—peace of mind, and with my lovely wife being away, my heart does cry.
To any of you having the slightest bit of self-doubt, or who may have their minds screaming… Mine is now content. It's easier for me to be able to access the feelings of a more “panicking” state without being affected with panic.
Marriage, if you are married, is to be treasured and, of course with 100% love for my wife, this is not meant to be personal—yet I always run that risk. My wife is a very sensitive woman. It's one of my favorite things about her!
“Emotion has taught mankind to reason.”
—Marquis de Vauvenargues
So to all of you who are seeking inspiration on relationships, and healing, self-healing, in particular, my heart goes out to you.
Staying together can and should work.
“Happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness.”
—Don Marquis
Stay together; of course, unless there is violence or anything life-threatening going on. That’s a no-brainer, and yet a whole other topic.
“Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind.”
—Thomas Jefferson
Living with me, a mentally ill, and quite honestly, a very disturbed and troubled man like me can be and is very difficult.
Resiliency. Resiliency, Resiliency…
“We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.”
—Goethe
A marriage is not something to be given up on without deep examination of the alternatives. Countless difficult marriages are salvageable. I believe that many marriages can be rescued, through counseling, through organizations, through prayer, and sometimes through simple, honest, communication—
“Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness.”
—Richard Carlson
Marriage could, and I think can, and should continue. Nobody would die if a couple stayed together.
“Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all.”
—Bill Clinton
—Life would go on.
“You must always be puzzled by mental illness. The thing I would dread most, if I became mentally ill, would be your adopting a common sense attitude; that you could take it for granted that I was deluded.”
—Wittgenstein
A person who is profoundly unhappy in a marriage is also depriving his or her partner of the experience of being wholly loved and accepted, rather than endured. A person who silently cries out, "I can't live this way," and then does live this way, despite his or her cries, is also quietly teaching their inner child to ignore its own inner voices, and failing to convey to them what may be the most important lessons we can teach it, the inner self. That is to say, be true to yourself, and celebrate the extraordinary gifts of being alive. Live your life to the fullest and be the best person you can be.
“It’s your life. Live it with people who are alive. It tends to be contagious.”
—Peter McWilliams
Marriage does have rough edges, imperfect fits, occasional pains and regular disagreements. Every marriage does, including some very good and healthy ones, and even those of "irreconcilable differences."
Two partners in the same marriage may not necessarily agree on just where their own marriage stands.
“When you’re going through hell, keep going.”
—Churchill
Life is too precious to spend crying and arguing. Adulthood is too valuable to spend crying out, "This isn't right,” etc. If you feel this way, you might consider changing your life situation, or your attitude about it, your opinions and so-called judgments of your self. Lately, this is precisely what I’ve been working on, with the excellent help of my cognitive behavioral therapist.
Maintaining a marriage, keeping it, and staying married is often the best possible situation. The only way to change old ways of life, and thinking processes, is often not to leave, nor to give up, but to work at it. I love my wife and am grateful for every passing moment with her and when she is away, like she is now, at a special event in Florida—while we are from New Mexico, my love and longing for her deepens.
“You can feel like a mental patient, but that doesn’t mean you have to live like one.”
—Marsha Linehan [Founder of DBT]
I know that living with me can be quite difficult and challenging. My illness [schizoaffective disorder] seems to take its toll on everyone, and I can, too, become mean, hurtful and “bad,” but I believe I am a good person underneath it all.
Whether in a relationship with somebody who is mentally ill, or not, I hope this particular blog post might save someone from possibly destroying something so special, when it might simply have been a misunderstanding, something taken out of context, or simply argued while in the heat of the moment. Let that moment go, and return.
May we all remain as centered as possible,
-Jonathan Harnisch
To Turn it All Around
No matter from how long you are moving on the wrong track, you always have a chance to turn around.
You're never too old, never too bad, never too late and never too sick to start from the scratch once again.
Porcelain Utopia
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Removing Sadness
If you can’t be a pencil to write someone’s happiness, then try to be a nice eraser to remove his or her sadness.
Jonathan Harnisch
The Person You Were
The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.
From:
Mary Beth LaRue
Here's with the Hope and Potential to succeed.
Jonathan Harnisch
Love and Pain
The pain of love is the pain of being alive. It is a perpetual wound.
—Maureen Duffy
Author, poet, playwright Maureen Duffy (1933—) is a notable contemporary British poet, playwright and novelist. She has also published a literary biography of Aphra Behn, and The Erotic World of Faery a book-length study of eroticism in faery fantasy literature. Her work has often used Freudian ideas and Greek Myth as a framework.
http://www.maureenduffy.co.uk/
Yet, as I've heard, pain is inflicted on those who have a heart in the first place and one has never felt pain until he or she has felt love.
—Jonathan Harnisch
The Dream of Judgment
Dreams take a thousand forms, but regardless of their content, they are still but a dream. Judgment takes a thousands forms, yet regardless of the time and energy we lay at its alter; it is still but a judgment. Just as awakening releases us from the dream state, so too does forgiveness here" >forgiveness release us from every judgment we ever made.
Courtesy of You Have Chosen to Remember: http://www.<a class="StrictlyAutoTagAnchor" href="http://www.jharnisch.com/tag/facebook" title="View all articles about facebook here" >facebook.com/jbcchosentoremember
Monday, December 3, 2012
Letting Go of the Past and Future
An Invitation:
Let Go of the Past with Forgiveness
Let Go of the Future without Anticipation
Breathe.
Sincerely,
Jonathan Harnisch
Pain and Struggle
Never underestimate the pain of a person, because in all honesty, everyone is struggling.
Some people are better at hiding it than others.
—Will Smith
Danger Love
There is no more a greater challenge in life than love.
Love is the greatest danger... if you really want to grow,
accept the greatest danger and move deeply into it.
—Osho
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Constantly Evolving Consciousness
26 November 2012
Noise need not to be a negative thing; it can be when there is no silence to counter-balance it. I stepped away from some of this noise, if only for a bit, then most of it for 24 hours at this point. Acting silent. Experiencing life in silence, with deeper clarity, and even deeper silence. Walking, in silence. Knowing nothing. I thought, over and over again, and I continue to think:
I am. I am constantly evolving consciousness.
Simply and continuously moving away from noise into silence and mindfulness. No earth shattering transformation occurring, only this time with self, indeed quite Divine and spiritual. Surrendering naturally and openly, more and more into the experience itself without any expectations. My inner state improving and evolving. My first 24 hours into, I suppose what’s otherwise called Vipassana Meditation.
Jonathan Harnisch
Staying in the Now
Sometimes we may find ourselves wishing we knew what our lives were going to be like or what gifts and challenges would be presented to us in upcoming times—no matter how long. We may want to know if a relationship or dilemma or situation we’re in now will be worth it later. Or, if our goals or expectations will be worth it, recognized, or just making us feel good. We might be going through a decision-making process and we’re just unsure about it. Will things work out? Will they not?
We end up looking for answers, seeing a therapist, talking with friends, seeing some fortuneteller; we might look into ourselves, with the hope of knowing what the future has in store for us. Though the real truth, while unattainable itself, is the future is likely not something that we actually would want to hear about—bringing up feelings of being overwhelmed, exhausted, in the midst of gossip with some rather unfortunate details. If we knew every single detail about what’s ahead, we likely won’t like too much of it.
To think of our lives as how they’ve been up until now and stopping there, at this point, at this moment, we will likely notice that we have already been through quite a lot, and not all of it too much fun to remember.
To stop in the now, I think is the first step towards any sort of change that might take place within us. Being mindful and aware of what and where we are right now, even if in pain; staying aware of ourselves, every part of us, our actions, reactions, behaviors—everything—we might in fact ourselves be a large part of the so-called ‘cause’ or ‘reason’ that became a part of our own suffering.
It’s not all that difficult to change. Staying aware in the present moment is really all it takes. Any changes come from there, perhaps automatically. A sense of freedom is derived from awareness itself.
Are we stuck in an uncomfortable cycle of using old behaviors, or just having a bad day, not necessarily a bad life?
Considering our own choices, even how and what we think, create our both our past and our future, creating our lives and experiences, our pasts and the present moments don’t need to predict our future because the future is now. With our freedom to be aware and mindful, we can then move on, act differently if we choose, react and behave as we wish. It’s not the paths we’re taking that bring us ahead in life, Our paths and our past experiences aren’t really paving us any roads, ways of being, the “who” is who we are.
It’s simply our awareness itself that causes us to continue to continue evolving. Often this can be happening without us even recognizing it.
Jonathan Harnisch
The Bravest Man I Know
Good morning to the bravest man I know, to the man, who every single morning gets up and faces the day (and his demons), knowing that sometimes he may get things confused or his emotions may fluctuate more than he likes, and yet he still gets up and sends me happy, silly little texts that he loves me, he still goes with me to get my blood drawn. Baby, you are awesome. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. You are awesome and tender and brave, and every single day I thank God that I didn't let you get away back in 2009. I am better for knowing you, better for being married to you. I love you oodles and oodles and oodles. To infinity and back!! ♥ ♥ ♥
Faith in Ourselves
It's often difficult to not be afraid or scared. Though it only causes suffering to living in fear. Having faith is to believe something is true, sometimes with not having any proof that it's true. Faith in ourselves will often bring out the proof.
Jonathan Harnisch
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